The theme for week 37 of Photo 52 was to photograph learning, which was another challenge for me. Truly, I find the challenging ones to be very good for me to do. They often make me face things I'd rather not face, but that are beneficial to face. My last post, Fresh Start, was a good example of that.
Before I had my fresh start epiphany, I'd felt like I don't get any fresh starts, forgetting that every day truly is a fresh start - just as God's mercies really are NEW every morning.
When it came to the learning theme, I felt that the only things I've been learning are rather sad and unfortunate things. Additionally, it also reminded me of kids and back-to-school... and things that I can't experience. Once again, this had me at a bit of a loss.
 |
| Does this look like the face of someone who is still capable of learning? Didn't think so! |
Then, football Sunday rolled around... It was the Packers' home opener and I wanted to watch it. Because I live where I live, the Packers are often not shown on regular TV. R was working out of town all weekend and so I was maybe going to get together with some fellow Packers fan friends to watch it somewhere, as we've done once in a while before. That ended up not being in the cards, however. When this sort of thing happens, I always wish I was brave enough to just go somewhere and watch it by myself. I really like watching the games, but because I'm too embarrassed, I go home instead and watch a game I don't want to see, just so I can catch the occasional Packer highlights.
So, as I sat in the parking lot after church on Sunday, debating what to do and wishing I could watch it, I decided to maybe check a place out that I'd heard would have the game. This would be a nice quiet place where I could sort of just sit unobserved, I thought - and I love their food. I could maybe handle that... Unfortunately, turns out, they only get regular cable... so they couldn't get the Packers in either.
The Buffalo Wild Wings was right down the road and I was sure it would be on there, but that seemed too... sports bar-ish, too loud, too full... too much a place that seemed embarrassing to me to go to alone. I didn't think I could do it... go alone and sit in a BWW - how pathetic and ridiculous would I look?
Then it suddenly occurred to me that it doesn't matter if I look ridiculous to a bunch of strangers watching football! They probably wouldn't notice me anyhow, and if they did, they probably wouldn't think about me for more than a fraction of a second.
Some of the things that psych me out are so ridiculous, aren't they?
So... I went. Alone.
 |
| Week 37 of Photo 52: Learning |
Instead, I asked if there was any availability, Mr. Host Guy said that there was a 45 minute wait. I said, rather bravely I might add, "Even just for one?" And he said, "Oh, you're just one?" (Nodding my head.) "Well, there may be room at the bar... you can check it out."
So off I trotted, just me-one (as R often says) and there were two seats left at the bar... on opposite ends, in the middle of others. I verified they were not taken and I pulled one around the corner of the bar, right smack in the midst of the server station (where I'd feel right at home). I ordered a diet soda and some chips and salsa, and I enjoyed the game - calling R frequently to give him updates.
I chatted with the servers, who were all trying to sneak in some game-watching too, and a teeny bit with Mr. Fantasy Football guy (also a Packers fan) right around my corner, but mostly I kept to myself and enjoyed the game.
It was a very fun, record-setting, game to watch - and though I didn't connect with them for real, it was nice to have other fans to cheer with.
At half time, I ordered a wine and read my book until the second half started. A few times, I wondered if I looked strange or if anyone pointed me out as a troubled loner, but I didn't care - I was actually enjoying myself.
Somewhere in there was another epiphany - about something I have slowly been realizing over the last couple years: it's time to stop caring so much what others think of me - especially when it's people I don't know and it's about really inconsequential things. No doubt I'll always care what people I love think of me, and I always want to care about other people, but why should my fear of what strangers might possibly, negatively think about me stop me from simply watching a game?
Well, I'm trying to learn to stop. In fact, I said no to someone this past week, canceling plans with her. It was hard to do - partly I didn't want to admit that I wasn't doing well, but also because I just adore hanging out with this friend. However, it was clear to me that recuperating was what I needed in this instance. There was a time, in the not too far past, when I wouldn't have been able to cancel, regardless how I felt.
Sharing this blog and being a bit more open about certain things has been a big step in the being okay with what others think of me direction, as well - so I am learning, I guess. Slow, but... yea, just slow.
So, perhaps it was just a football game in a wingy sports bar (Heathie like wingy!), but it was also another little fear to conquer, which hopefully will inspire me to conquer bigger ones.
In the future, if I'm on my own for the day and the game isn't on regular TV, I'd go back to BWW to watch. If it is on at home though, I'd stay at home... it's cheaper and I can listen to the commentary, which, when it isn't blathering on about silliness, can be educational... Hey, more learning! ☺
Brave you-one! That panoramic shot is perfectly placed to maximize the horror. I like "Slow, but... yea, just slow." This is an important lesson, and it would be unrealistic to think you could learn it quickly. It probably takes a whole lifetime.
ReplyDeleteAwesome and inspirational, thank you for sharing Heather!
ReplyDelete-josh
Were any of your servers named Helen, or did they at least look like a Helen?
ReplyDelete