This camera was made for walkin'...

...and that's just what it did! It walked all over the Stone Arch Bridge, in fact!

Indeed, my fabulous Photo 52 group went on a photo walk last weekend, which brought me my number 15 new: walking over the Stone Arch Bridge.

From its official website: The Stone Arch Bridge is the only bridge of its kind over the Mississippi River. It is made of native granite and limestone, and measures 2100-feet long by 28-feet wide. The bridge consists of 23 arches, and spans the river below St. Anthony Falls in Minneapolis, MN.

Though I've enjoyed the St. Anthony Main area restaurants over the years, I've never photographed, or walked over, the famous Stone Arch Bridge - and now I have! This was actually something that was on my wish list to do. It's not that it would have been difficult to accomplish, but so often we never explore the places in our own back yard... so a photo walk with friends, old and new, was a perfect way to accomplish it.

For some reason, I did not do a good job of documenting the lunch or get a group shot, which I wish I'd have done. So, I guess I'll just jump right in.

Here's our fearless leader, Tracy. She's simply the best!!

Here are her cute feet...  Please believe that I'm not really a foot stalker - I just thought the little leaf that found its way onto her shoe was kinda cute. Ahh, fall!

Wait - did someone say fall? This doesn't look like October!

Here's Melissa, another dear friend, taking shelter under the tree.

Yet, through rain, snow, sleet and hail... the Photo 52 walk will prevail! (Brrrrrr!!)

Good thing one of us brought an umbrella! I, as usual, dressed completely inappropriately for the weather. That's not entirely true, I am normally dressed appropriately for summer. Anyhow, there's no photo of me in my batch, but trust me - I looked like a drowned rat, though a happy one!

Aww - V! She is so good at getting down low for really different - and wonderful - perspectives!  I like her perspectives on life, too.

Crunch!

There it is! A real beauty, right!?!

So, in the photo below, do you see that sign in the background, with the star on it? It reads, "Northstar Blankets" I asked my friend, Emily, "What do the Northstar Blankets play - that's a really strange team name?"  She was like,"Well... I think they make blankets." Go figure... Northstar Blankets makes blankets.

I wonder if I ate a lot of paint chips when I was a kid. I really like this photo a lot though, even if I'll feel a little like a dunce every time I look at it.

St. Anthony Main.... that's another weird name for a sports team. Hmm.

 
Once the rain cleared up, it was a quite lovely autumn day.

Beautiful colors everywhere!

Next time I have to be sure to get a shot of Tracy's face though...

Views from the bridge.

The change in the sky was rather dramatic!

A little musical interlude.

On the other side and underneath.

It really is a gorgeous old bridge!

Then afterward, freezing our trigger fingers off, Emily and I went for a little warm-up at the Aster.

Best chocolate lava cake - ever!

So that's that - number 15 and then some.

Photo 52 has been a fantastic, and enlightening, experience for me. I'm so thankful for it! And feeling rather sad that this is already week 43 now...  where does the time go?

New can be harsh

This past weekend was my work's big annual meeting. It's always a good, but exhausting, multi-day event. One of the sessions this time was on compassion fatigue, which is different than burnout - or perhaps a type of burnout.The reason I mention this is because one of the characteristics they listed in the session really hit me in a personally convicting sort of way.

The troubling realization that came to me is how over the last few years I've lost some of my compassion and empathy, and more troubling is that I feel justified in this. After all, my troubles are worse than those troubles, aren't they. Isn't the grief of the involuntarily childless far worse than the fleeting troubles of the voluntarily childful?

I understand that pregnancy and parenting are hard and exhausting - I suffer no delusions about this. It's just that I'd take that kind of hard and exhausting, which comes with some pretty amazing benefits, over my kind of hard and exhausting, which comes with anxiety and depression, in a fraction of a heartbeat.

They say, "Oh, I'm so tired - the baby was crying all night - again. If anyone wants to buy a baby, let me know. Ha ha"

And I think one or more of the following:

1) I will take that baby in a heartbeat, you ungrateful so and so, or
2) don't they know how incredibly lucky they are?  After all, I was up all night too - only I was the one crying, or
3) simply, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry - you're at work (or where ever), you can't cry, or
4) if possible, I just walk away with my eyes rolling into the back of my head, before I lose it.

Don't hate me.

I can't tell you how many times these, or related, conversations happen in a group setting that I'm in, and while they laugh and relate, it's just me-one who has nothing to say or do but to nod and smile and try to not burst into tears - or a fit of rage.

It's hard, I know, and venting is necessary (if it were socially acceptable for me, I'm sure I'd definitely take advantage!) and I know that the kiddies are very much loved and the parents are very much grateful - I get it. Too bad that getting it doesn't make it any easier to handle.

So this is my number 14: a new, and harsh, realization that my grief has hardened my heart so greatly that I have trouble empathizing or feeling any compassion with those who, exhausted and haggard though they may feel, have that for which I so long. It feels very understandable to me and I can easily rationalize it, yet it also feels unacceptable to me because... well, compassion and empathy are better than jealousy and self-pity.

Kindness is better.

My rationalizing it has to end somehow, preferably without causing me to disintegrate further.

Oh, but I do not quite know how to fix this. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ready.

You can probably go ahead and start hating me now.

Or I could try to distract you with pretty photos.  Ooooooh, yes - look at all the pretty photos....

 

Then maybe you won't hate me too berry much! 

After all, #14 is harsh and I hate that it's true, but I do beleaf 

that such reflections can be good for the soul, and catalysts for change.

Maybe they can help me find my way out of the rain and cold.

And perhaps find a way to cross this bridge, now that I've come to it.

Maybe one day again I could even be like a bridge over troubled waters, or at least a sympathetic ear.

But from where I'm standing right now, the way there just seems like a terrifying mystery to me.

Week 42 of Photo 52: Mysterious

Perhaps I should start by fixing my eyes less on my own problems, in favor of what is good and pure and lovely - even though that's easier said than done. Maybe I should give myself a homework assignment of one kind response a week to any one of numerous people I'm insanely jealous of, and see what happens. Ugh.

Old and new

Yesterday was our 8th wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything new. In fact, we did some old things, and it was lovely.

After lunch at our little sushi place, we headed a bit north to visit the place we got married.

Here it is, the scene of the crime!  

We had a lovely time wandering around the grounds and reminiscing: just a couple of love birds

Then we headed a bit further north to look for some autumn colors. We had to go a little ways before we found any color other than brown, plus it was raining on and off. It seemed like we weren't going to have any luck, but then we stumbled on some. It went something like this:

R: Hmm, looks like just a dead end (starting to turn the car around).

Me: Oooh - a dead end - let's go down it!! 

After all, sometimes the dead end holds all the glory! Sometimes it doesn't... 

This time it did. 

We happened upon this lovely wooded area, which had spots of glorious color!

And which wound around and ended up at some bluffs overlooking a lake.

It was fun to just tromp around, crunching on leaves and breathing in the autumn scented air. 

These are things I've always loved about autumn, and why we chose an outdoor autumn wedding. 

Good thing my upper mid-western upbringing taught me how to dress properly for the occasion. I don't give up easily, I tell ya. 

Crunch!!

We even found a new friend or four, but they were all shy and didn't like their picture being taken. 

Here's R taking a long walk off a short pier. Hmm, I guess this is what eight years of marriage to me does to a man?  A lesser man would have done it in three. 

Actually, as we were walking down one of these pretty roads, me excitedly running ahead to take photos, R caught up and laughingly said, "Heathie, you are still just a little girl!" I, in all of my eloquence, said something to the effect of, "Huh?!?" He said, "Everything's still always new to you - I always love that about you!" 

What a funny and beautiful thing to say, particularly in light of this blog and in light of my feeling like nothing has been new, and fearing that nothing will ever be truly new again.

My darling husband, the one who has seen me at my absolute worst - and loves me even more than ever. What a mystery this is to me. Our love is old, and yet always new. The journey continues.

I am blessed and I am grateful!

Delicious news

It feels a little wrong somehow that numbers twelve and thirteen of new should both include breakfast food... but it's just the way it happened, I swear. Besides, breakfast is, or so they say, the most important meal of the day. I like to think that's true even if it does happen for lunch or dinner. Strangely, I'm not a fan of breakfast food for breakfast. It just seems like too much, but lunch-breakfast or dinner-breakfast is a real treat.

First to tempt you, the way they tempted me...

Can you guess which one I chose?

Both were quite tempting, I must confess. As intrigued as I was by Mac & Cheese Benedict, it seemed a little too rich and decadent for lunch-breakfast, so I went with the pumpkin pancakes. Mmmm, pumpkin pancakes!!  Good and good for you! I think so, anyhow... lots of fiber, anyhow. Um, yeah, and what's that about vanilla cream and cinnamon butter. Seriously, these were perfectly perfect!

The eggs were kind of superfluous - they were fine, but nothing exciting especially next to those pancakes, and it made it a bit too much. Next time, I'll just get the pumpkin cakes and links. What better way to continue to try to get more into an autumn spirit than to enjoy some harvest delights?

In the background of the photo you can see R's lunch-lunch. He had a Cajun burger, which he enjoyed far more than most burgers, and sweet potato tater tots. Sweet potato tater tots!!! YUM! 

Speaking of harvest, I was going to submit the above photo of the pumpkin pancakes as my week 41 photo, the theme being harvest. It might have been a more appropriate harvest photo than the one I did submit because this one is pumpkin and sweet potato related, but R and I both loved the one I submitted, so I went with it. 

But I'll get to that... first you need to know where to score these amazingly delicious savory harvest delights. 

We'd been meaning to go there for awhile, and this past Sunday R actually had a day off. It was a rather rainy Sunday, which just made the quaint Dale and Selby area look and feel even quainter. The rain prevented us from tromping about the bluffs, as we'd hoped to. However, we did still get to watch the Packer game together. Mmm - a weekend day with R is such an extra special thing!!

Ooh, I should mention that over pancakes, R suggested something... something very exciting. And tropical. And warm. And sandy. And new - very, very new for me. Something that is now booked. I'll save that for another day though. Perhaps it'll rank around number 19 or 20.

So this new to us restaurant was my number twelve - and hopefully one of your next stops for breakfast or lunch, if you're in the Twin Cities area.

As for number thirteen, this just happened spontaneously, but I'd been wanting to get there for quite some time. It is, after all, a Saint Paul institution.

On Monday, just the day after pumpkin pancakes, I'd had a particularly tough day at work (these are happening more and more frequently) and so R thought a nice walk along the river would be good. I wouldn't have thought to do that because sometimes I'd rather stew and fume and holler, or simply veg and sulk. His idea was better.

So we walked hand and hand along the Mighty Mississippi, except when I had to take a photo, and explored a bit. The crisp dusky air felt and smelled nice, but the early darkness has been hard to take. (Last night I was at work till after 8 - and left in utter darkness. Shudder.) Oh well. The dusky walk with my hon was very therapeutic. Plus, I captured this little treasure.

Week 41 of Photo 52: Harvest

I didn't want the branch in front of the sunflower at all, feeling like it detracted, but it wouldn't stay aside and I really didn't want to break it off. I'm kind of silly that way, I guess. What did that stick ever do to me? Live and let live, right! (That attitude has gotten me in a LOT of trouble before, by the way. One might be safe to let a branch live and let live, but don't ever do that with mice. Bad idea! I can be very, very stupid sometimes.)

Anyhow, I'm rather pleased with the sunflower photo, I must say. I could have saved it for Photographer's Choice, but I just wanted to post it now, so Harvest it is! Sunflowers are part of the harvest, aren't they?  I'm really asking...  Isn't that where sunflower seeds come from?

Well, from there we were going to go home and have the yummy spaghetti I'd made the previous night for dinner, when suddenly, we ended up at.....




















Who doesn't love an good old dive diner?  Especially one in an old railroad dining car.

Apparently it's been open nonstop since 1937, as St. Paul grew up all around it. It was one of the first restaurants listed on the National Register of Historic Places and continues to be family owned and operated. 

What's not to love?

Well, maybe I'd have loved it more if SOMEone hadn't been trying to steal my yolk! His crimes against humanity caught here for all to see. 

Harrumph!! What kind of person so brazenly pokes their fry right into someone else's yolk? (Eh, apparently the best kind of person!!)

Anyhow, I didn't actually mind at all. After all, we both knew I would be soon stealing his dill pickle. Sadly, there's no photographic proof of that, so obviously, it didn't really happen.

As for the food, it is top notch greasy spoon food - my eggs, over medium, were perfectly done and the sausage had a nice extra little kick to them and were perfectly crispy outside - soooo good! - but, the real highlight was the hash-browns! Holy cow! Simply, the best hash-browns I've ever had!!! Better even than the Waffle House! Even if the menu hadn't told me so, the fact that these are made from scratch was rather delightfully evident. Real - fresh - potatoes were harmed in the making of these hash browns! Apparently, my foolishness about branches and mice does not extend to potatoes. Mmm, po-taaa-toes.

So in my humble opinion, Mickey's Diner is worthy of the attention it's gotten from all the cooking/travel shows etc. I'm not recommending you eat there every day, unless you bring your own cardiologist, but if you've not been there yet - get there!

And go to my number twelve, as well. Totally different, but both quite nice!

Now to figure out a number fourteen. It hopefully won't be food related, but I have no idea what it will be. I need help! Probably in more ways than one.

Ahh, but I have that future new to look forward to... and I bet some other news will come along with it.

60 days!!!!

In the mean time, bon appétit!!