Round and round

Seems the unofficial end of summer has sneaked up upon me this year. Round and round these seasons go, where they stop, nobody knows.

Week 34 of Photo 52: Round

In the meantime, you can find me here - most likely with Miss Marple - savoring every last sweet, warm, and sun-filled moment.

They will eventually have to pry the flip flops off my cold, frost-bitten toes!

If I could, I'd make summer last all the year long. Some say I wouldn't love it so much if it were this way always, but I beg to differ.

Week 35 of Photo 52: Photographer's Prerogative 

I never tire of that which I love. Nonetheless, it''ll soon be time to suck it up, Buttercup!

As you can see, I've been playing with my phone's panoramic setting a lot this summer - I'm not always perfectly straight, but it's pretty cool to use!

Yeah, it's been a wonderful summer - and a very full one.

Full of sweetness and love.

Beauty and deliciousness

And light.

Very fashionable light, no less.

That's just the way we roll.

On the other hand, there's also that pesky critter that sneaks up on me, following me where ever I go - even in the glorious summer.

This emptiness that just won't leave me. It manifests in different ways, but has seemed to settle into a depth of sadness, which is so much more than just a feeling or a temporary condition that I'll be past tomorrow.

Throughout my blogs, I've often quoted Paul in saying that God's grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness. It's another thing that goes round and round in my head. (I'm glad that not only difficult things go round and round up in there!)  Well, the other night I was thinking about that again and wondering how many more times than Paul's three I've pleaded for the removal of this thorn in my flesh - pleaded for an end to barrenness and grief.

How many tears have been shed? How many more shall be shed?

Yet I don't really ask for its removal anymore. (Okay, maybe just once in a while.) Now I more often just pray that I would truly live in the grace that I know is sufficient for me. Live in grace. Live abundantly, thorns and all.

I'm grateful for summer, which refreshes my weary soul and makes everything oh so very much easier - and fun(ner!). I'm grateful, even though it will soon have to go.

I'm grateful for any of you who read this blog (my heart) and still accept me as I am - thorns and all - and all the juxtaposition that is me. I've come to realize that not all friends are like this.

I'm grateful for my husband, who not only accepts me and adores me to pieces, but is a soothing balm.

And I'm grateful to the Lord, for so freely blessing me with so much goodness and grace - me, thorns and doubts and weaknesses and all. I can't say I delight in these difficulties, but I'll not be ashamed anymore. 

Out of Focus

Sometimes I think I spend a good amount of time out of focus...  I was very focused for a long time and now it's a little fuzzy, I'll admit.  This blog is another example of that. Now that I'm done with my New at 42, I'm not sure what, if anything, to write anymore. There's certainly things in my head and in my heart, but do they need to be written?  I don't know.  I guess I'll just play that by ear.

It's funny, after my New at 42 challenge was completed, everyone kept asking me what I was going to do for my 43rd year. Well, I'm over a month into it and I have no big challenge to issue to myself.  Where am I going and what am I doing? I still don't know.

Week 32 of Photo 52: Urban

I really like that I did New at 42. It gave me a lot of new perspectives, which are still rumbling around inside of me. It helped to bring me outside of myself a bit more again, which I needed. Infertility is a rather private and inward experience in so very many ways, and it's been my focus for a long time. The weeping and related repercussions of it go on, as I'm constantly reminded of - yet I know that I need to continue to get back outside myself.

 The 42 challenge came to my heart quite naturally - I was not looking for something to do, it just came to me. Nothing has come to me for this year and I'm okay with that. However, I know that I want to help more - be more involved outside myself, to care for others in a more active way. I've taken some steps in that direction, though I have no concrete goals. Still, the focus is maybe a little sharper than it was. It might help that I keep staring at one of the birthday gifts I received this year from a good friend: it's a pretty little print that simply reads, "Make it Count." Indeed.

Week 33 of  Photo 52: Out of Focus

Then today I stumbled on this quote that really jives with much of what my heart has been exploring lately:

"Don't ever forget that you're a citizen of this world, and there are things you can do to lift the human spirit, things that are easy, things that are free, things that you can do every day. Civility, respect, kindness, character. You're too good for schadenfreude, you're too good for gossip and snark, you're too good for intolerance—and.... it's worth mentioning that you're too good to think people who disagree with you are your enemy." (Aaron Sorkin)

Mind you, I'm more a pilgrim in this world than a citizen, yet the truth of this simple reminder remains and sharpens my focus a bit, as all truth is God's truth. It remains even though I also know that I'm not too good for any of those nastier actions - as none of us are - because I remain confident that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Amen.

Of fur, fins, feathers, and bravery - but mostly bravery

"It is hard to be brave," said Piglet, sniffling slightly, "when you're only a Very Small Animal."

Week 29 of Photo 52: Fun, fin, or feathers - mini horsie!

There are many ways to be brave.  We often think of those really big kinds of bravery - those who lay their lives on the line for another, or for a great cause. Or those who sacrifice everything for what they believe in.

Yet there are also those who simply dare to imagine that they could have a different life - even if they feel like a big fat failure - those who march into the great unknown with.... nothing.  (Based on lines from one of my favorite movies, "You've Got Mail")  These folks are a resilient kind of brave, who get back up every time - no matter how far knocked down they've been.

Others face the realization that it's time - time to stretch a bit - time to take another step, perhaps a step in a different direction, because, well, because sometimes it's time to take another step.

There are other kinds, but these are the ones I know best. 

No matter which kind one faces, the fact remains that it is hard to be brave when you're only a Very Small Animal.

My fur, fin, or feathers runner up

I found myself saying the other day, "Life: it's not for the faint of heart." After all, as I've long said, life is as harsh as it is beautiful. So it takes a lot of bravery and resilience, methinks, to just keep on swimming sometimes.

Especially if... it's time to swim out a little further, and a little further.

Especially if... things are pretty okay as they are.

Especially if... they aren't, but the risk feels too great and isn't it better, this devil you know?

Okay, okay - you twisted my arm with all this swimming talk - now I'll post a photo of some fins too, but I didn't take this one, my bro did.

(I sure love my nephew!!)

Anyhow, I've heard it said (mostly by Janis Joplin) that "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

Week 27 of Photo 52: Freedom (or the intense, innate desire for it)

Well, I don't know much about that, but I do know a bit about bravery. Bravery is knowing you have a lot to lose - and accepting that risk in an active hope. Bravery knows the risks; bravery knows the - often intense - fear of losing it all. Bravery knows there are no guarantees. Bravery goes forward anyhow.

So my Brave and Very Small Animal, go forth - go like the wind!

Week 28 of Photo 52: Wind

After all,

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul - 

And sings the tune without the words - 

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I've heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me. 

(Emily Dickinson)

Go. It won't be goodbye. We'll still be here for you.

So go - go and enjoy the sweet fruits of your bravery.

Week 31 of Photo 52: Photographer's Choice

Know that, even if it's not always the sweet fruit you'd hoped for, as bravery certainly doesn't always yield that for which we so hope, it'll still be okay. There will - without a doubt - still be an abundance of sweetness... sometimes it's just found in the most unexpected, hidden of places.

So go, my Brave Friend, go in Grace. Knowing that, not only will you still be V, you won't go alone.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."  (Psalms 91: 1&2)