Normally, I post my photos on the early part of each week, but here I was nearing the end - and despite how much I thought it through all week - my head was filled with rather less than cheery thoughts on the subject of fresh start, or what seems like a lack thereof to me.
So here I was in Saturday, with only two days left to come up with something (not that our group is at all strict about these things - it's very nicely laid-back - but I personally like to get one in each week) and I was just blank, at best - depressed, at worst.
So I did what I do: put a pot roast in the crock pot, since R is home for dinners this weekend (yay!!!) and, armed with camera in purse and a small list of errands in mind, I headed out. Heading out is almost always a good idea for me when I'm a bit down or out.
One of my errands was to stop in at the public library to pick up a movie I had on reserve. Other than almost getting run over three times by three different cars in the library parking lot (now THAT would be new!), it was uneventful... except that as I was approaching the building, I fell in behind a woman and her young (probably 8-10 ish) son. Her son was sad that she had been gone so much lately. She handled it very nicely, I thought. It sounds like she is in public education because she was explaining that at the beginning of the school year she has to go to a lot of committee meetings to make sure that he and the other school kids are well taken care of, and that it's an important part of public education, but that it will calm down very soon.
Their conversation resulted in some mixed feelings for me. I felt for her... she clearly cares about what she does and the importance of public education, while she clearly felt bad that she had to be gone a lot of evenings, instead of with her kids. While bittersweet, it had to feel awfully nice for her to have her son expressing the desire to spend more time with her.
I felt bad for the kid because he just missed his mom, which is so sweet and impressive that he could express it to her the way he did.
Mostly though, it just struck me as lovely that they so obviously loved spending time together with each other, and sister and dad - that is very nice to see. They are very, very blessed!
This was a very sweet interaction, in which I empathized with both parties. At the same time, I couldn't help but be sad for myself, for what I cannot have. This feeling is not an unusual one for me, though my ability to handle it varies widely.
This time, the quote that I think of daily came to mind in a whole new way, almost at once, as we walked our separate ways in the library - they never even having noticed me or the impact they had on my day.
And that is when I knew what my fresh start photo had to be - it was the only thing that really made sense to me in a personal way.
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| Week 36 of Photo 52: Fresh Start |
This is a photo of the upper side of our fridge. I put this magnet up there a couple years ago, in a prominent to me spot, though the quote has been one I've claimed as my unofficial motto for several years. It's a daily reminder to me that bravery is often just a matter of getting back up and getting back out there, when you'd rather just stay in bed. It's a reminder to keep listening to that still small voice, rather than all the voices of shame and doubt, blame and regret.
Just today, walking into the public library, I realized that it is also a a much needed reminder that every single day is an opportunity for a fresh start. And so, it was a difficult, but helpful, photo theme this week.
I don't know if any of you can use such a reminder as much as I do, but if so, I hope this encourages you, as well.
With love,
HJ
For some reason this reminds me of a quote from one of the all time greatest musicians of modern times:
ReplyDelete“Don't play what's there; play what's not there.”
― Miles Davis
I don't know what it may mean but for some reason it was brought to mind, may be it will mean something to you too.
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