Out of Focus

Sometimes I think I spend a good amount of time out of focus...  I was very focused for a long time and now it's a little fuzzy, I'll admit.  This blog is another example of that. Now that I'm done with my New at 42, I'm not sure what, if anything, to write anymore. There's certainly things in my head and in my heart, but do they need to be written?  I don't know.  I guess I'll just play that by ear.

It's funny, after my New at 42 challenge was completed, everyone kept asking me what I was going to do for my 43rd year. Well, I'm over a month into it and I have no big challenge to issue to myself.  Where am I going and what am I doing? I still don't know.

Week 32 of Photo 52: Urban

I really like that I did New at 42. It gave me a lot of new perspectives, which are still rumbling around inside of me. It helped to bring me outside of myself a bit more again, which I needed. Infertility is a rather private and inward experience in so very many ways, and it's been my focus for a long time. The weeping and related repercussions of it go on, as I'm constantly reminded of - yet I know that I need to continue to get back outside myself.

 The 42 challenge came to my heart quite naturally - I was not looking for something to do, it just came to me. Nothing has come to me for this year and I'm okay with that. However, I know that I want to help more - be more involved outside myself, to care for others in a more active way. I've taken some steps in that direction, though I have no concrete goals. Still, the focus is maybe a little sharper than it was. It might help that I keep staring at one of the birthday gifts I received this year from a good friend: it's a pretty little print that simply reads, "Make it Count." Indeed.

Week 33 of  Photo 52: Out of Focus

Then today I stumbled on this quote that really jives with much of what my heart has been exploring lately:

"Don't ever forget that you're a citizen of this world, and there are things you can do to lift the human spirit, things that are easy, things that are free, things that you can do every day. Civility, respect, kindness, character. You're too good for schadenfreude, you're too good for gossip and snark, you're too good for intolerance—and.... it's worth mentioning that you're too good to think people who disagree with you are your enemy." (Aaron Sorkin)

Mind you, I'm more a pilgrim in this world than a citizen, yet the truth of this simple reminder remains and sharpens my focus a bit, as all truth is God's truth. It remains even though I also know that I'm not too good for any of those nastier actions - as none of us are - because I remain confident that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Amen.