I very recently saw a sign in a sub shop that really gave me pause. The sign asserted that the only real measure of success is the way your kids describe you when they're talking to a friend. Great... Guess I should lower my expectations, since I won't be able to experience true success. (Eye roll!)
For the record, I agree with it in principle - it's just that it's another example of the fertility-centric world that can be so isolating. Most people have kids if they want - I get that, but one doesn't expect to have that jolt of isolation and sadness in the sub shop. Good things subs are so delicious! (Turkey, bacon, tomaters, and hot peppers - gahhhh!)
It was funny to see the sign though, especially the timing of it as I'd been thinking a lot about purpose lately. Then on Sunday, the sermon was actually about purpose too; about thinking through developing a purpose statement of sorts - one that defines the what and the what-for.
For many people a major part of their purpose is raising children. I thought that would be a major part of mine, as well. Not the only part, but an important part.
When I think about my purpose though, I can start to feel a tad panicky. That is probably because thinking too hard about such things can put the focus too much on oneself - and that is sure fire way to cause some panic. Still, when kept in perspective - and a more eternal perspective - I think it's a good exercise to think through what is most important in life, to prioritize and bring focus into our short lives.
It's really hard for me to define though... When I think about how I'd want others to remember me after I'm gone, it all seems so vague.
In the meantime, a colleague of mine has been going through a major personal difficulty/transition and she only told me her situation the other day - though I'd known about it previously through no fault of my own... (Office gossip = UGH!!) So I was listening to her and then just letting her know that I understand how hard it is to come in every day when you're hurting so much and that she's doing a great job, even if she doesn't feel as if she is. Then out of the blue, she tells me that I've been so inspirational to her. Say again?
She's known of our situation for quite some time. Though we're not close, we've had a few moments here and there over the many years as colleagues, so she's known - and has shown empathy. So now she was telling me that though she never comments on my Facebook posts or such, that she always reads them and really appreciates how open and positive I am, despite the depth of difficulty and pain all these years.
Wow. That kinda blew me away. It's not the first time something like that has happened, but it's always surprising - and I really didn't expect it whispered from her, right there in the middle of the department.
I was happy and touched by it though. I may not yet know what I'm going to be when I grow up, or what I'm here for, but if whatever I've been through can serve someone else, even in a totally different situation, then that is a very good thing. I'll never consider this IF/childlessness a gift, but I'm grateful for whatever good can come of it.
Methinks perhaps He truly does make every thing beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) Even if it does seem a bit hazy in the meantime.
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For the record, I agree with it in principle - it's just that it's another example of the fertility-centric world that can be so isolating. Most people have kids if they want - I get that, but one doesn't expect to have that jolt of isolation and sadness in the sub shop. Good things subs are so delicious! (Turkey, bacon, tomaters, and hot peppers - gahhhh!)
It was funny to see the sign though, especially the timing of it as I'd been thinking a lot about purpose lately. Then on Sunday, the sermon was actually about purpose too; about thinking through developing a purpose statement of sorts - one that defines the what and the what-for.
For many people a major part of their purpose is raising children. I thought that would be a major part of mine, as well. Not the only part, but an important part.
When I think about my purpose though, I can start to feel a tad panicky. That is probably because thinking too hard about such things can put the focus too much on oneself - and that is sure fire way to cause some panic. Still, when kept in perspective - and a more eternal perspective - I think it's a good exercise to think through what is most important in life, to prioritize and bring focus into our short lives.
It's really hard for me to define though... When I think about how I'd want others to remember me after I'm gone, it all seems so vague.
In the meantime, a colleague of mine has been going through a major personal difficulty/transition and she only told me her situation the other day - though I'd known about it previously through no fault of my own... (Office gossip = UGH!!) So I was listening to her and then just letting her know that I understand how hard it is to come in every day when you're hurting so much and that she's doing a great job, even if she doesn't feel as if she is. Then out of the blue, she tells me that I've been so inspirational to her. Say again?
She's known of our situation for quite some time. Though we're not close, we've had a few moments here and there over the many years as colleagues, so she's known - and has shown empathy. So now she was telling me that though she never comments on my Facebook posts or such, that she always reads them and really appreciates how open and positive I am, despite the depth of difficulty and pain all these years.
Wow. That kinda blew me away. It's not the first time something like that has happened, but it's always surprising - and I really didn't expect it whispered from her, right there in the middle of the department.
I was happy and touched by it though. I may not yet know what I'm going to be when I grow up, or what I'm here for, but if whatever I've been through can serve someone else, even in a totally different situation, then that is a very good thing. I'll never consider this IF/childlessness a gift, but I'm grateful for whatever good can come of it.
Methinks perhaps He truly does make every thing beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) Even if it does seem a bit hazy in the meantime.
For years, and for many....you have had purpose. I don't think you even know how much purpose you have had for so many people Heath. You are an inspiring person, and I continue to be in awe in how you handle and compose yourself in hard situations, and things that are so close and personal to your heart. Your story, your love story with Reckie, your IF journey, the beautiful life you lead, the beautiful person you are, your infectious smile, and your sunny nature....gives purpose and inspire so many....and have inspired me for years and years. ♥♥
ReplyDeleteThank you - so much - sweet Elissa!!! This means so much to me!!
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